Morning Mindset

Raising a child is certainly very challenging. Extremely rewarding? Yes!!! Definitely! But also challenging well beyond anything else I’ve experienced in more than 50 years of life. I’m not saying my son is a challenge. He’s been the most incredible blessing I could ever imagine. The challenge is first and foremost, trying every day to do what’s best for him. Both short term, and in the long run.

In my experience, it seems many people think of parenting as taking care of a child. Yes, very important, but just a small part of it. I believe there’s a huge difference between taking care of a child and raising a child. Just scratching the surface, raising a child involves encouraging growth through things like values, character, and self-reliance. No small task.

Nothing could be more important than preparing a child that’s been dependent on you their entire life, to be able to thrive and prosper on their own as an adult. You never know for sure what the right decisions are. Some will inevitably be wrong. But you continue on, keeping the kids as top priority.

It becomes so much more difficult. Difficult beyond measure when trying to do all this as a single parent. When you don’t have the support of a partner to work together with you on this journey of raising a child. On one hand, the sacrifice required seems never ending. But on the other hand, you feel 100% devoted to your child. And there’s absolutely no other way it could be.

It’s not only harder to raise a child alone, but it’s so much harder on that child when their life becomes split in two. Not having a cohesive family unit can create so many more problems. Many of which may not be visible on the surface. Everything can easily seem to be OK, when in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth.

One thing I believe a child loses out on when raised by a single parent is growing up seeing interactions between his parents. This is one of those things the average person may not notice or ever think about. It might seem completely irrelevant and inconsequential. But I believe this to be a huge part of healthy development.

For a child to see his mom and dad interact with each other. To show each other compassion, understanding, and commitment. To see them disagree on issues, but not have it be the end of the world. To see them work together to solve problems, and make decisions together. Not as individuals, but as a team. Partners working together in the best interest of the family. And as the child becomes older, they would not just see these interactions, but eventually become a vital part of them.

Granted, not all children growing up in an intact home will have this as a beneficial experience. But I think most will, at least to some degree. When a child is being raised by a single parent, all this all becomes completely nonexistent. In the place of what could be positive parental and family experiences and interactions becomes drop-offs and kids shuffled from home to home. For far too many children, this is what becomes normal. And everything may seem OK at surface level. But there’s important parts of healthy development that I think will never blossom with only one parent present.

So, what is this all about? Finally getting there. Thanks for sticking with me.

Our family was living together in the same home at the time, but we were not living together as an intact family. At the age of 8, I started recognizing that my son was having some issues.  I knew things wouldn't be good for him if they continued in the direction they were going. His mental and emotional wellbeing quickly became my number one priority. Life is no doubt hard at times for everyone. But going into it without a strong, healthy mind, you are likely doomed right from the start. So, I started very gently working to get him on a positive path forward.

I’ve tried to show him that I was always there for him. Tried to foster open, honest (age appropriate) communication. Tried to develop a trust that decisions I’ve made were in his best interest. And I’ve explained to him why I’ve made those decisions. While at the same time, encouraging him to have his own ideas and opinions.

My son’s mindset has always been a great concern to me. Starting when he was about 8 years old, I would be washing dishes or doing some kind of house work. And I would listen to Tony Robbins or Zig Zigler. Something like that, knowing my son would hear it too. He was far too young to just sit and listen to something like that for an hour or so. But I used this as a way to start a conversation.

They would be talking about a certain issue on the audio program. And I would then ask my son, did you hear what they just said? And then we’d talk about it for a bit. It was a way to engage with him, and start a conversation that otherwise would likely never come up. They started off being very short conversations. It would be something simple like, it’s ok to make mistakes. They’re something you can learn from. But our talks became much more in depth and longer as he grew older.

About the time my son was 13, we actually started sitting down together from time to time to watch a video I had found online. It could be on any number of topics from personal growth, health, achievement, leadership, success, finance, mindset, relationships, or being secure in one’s self. All of which I feel are very important in life. Some of which I didn’t learn myself until in my 40’s. But I wanted to do my best to in some way give him a head start, if that make's any sense.

One thing I often stress to my son is that he doesn’t have to think like me, or always agree with me. He is his own person. And also, not to take the things in these videos as 100% what he needs to do or what he should think. I believe it’s good to get different perspectives, and then we can take bits and pieces of what makes sense for us. Sometimes we agree with someone completely, and sometimes not so much. But you can often still learn something from someone you don’t totally agree with. And use that to better your own life.

As my son has gotten older and life has become busier, it’s harder for us to take the time to sit and watch long videos together. And then have a conversation about what was discussed. So, I decided to make this website for a number of reasons. To highlight some of the discussions we’ve had together. As a reminder we can look back upon. To maybe be a helpful resource to other parents (or non-parents). And also, as a way to share with my son some ideas and information I find useful after he’s out in the world on his own. Through our many conversations, he’s been able to not only hear some of my own life lessons and experiences, but also those of others.

I created Morning Mindset as a way to help foster mental wellbeing, a positive outlook on life and to help prepare my son for overcoming challenges. I found videos I deemed to have an important message or issue worth talking about. And used them as a way of initiating  conversation between us. I know it doesn’t mean life will be easy for him. But I’m sure he’s much stronger now and much more prepared for all he’ll face in life as he moves closer to adulthood. Even more so, it’s about love, and wanting him to achieve all in life he desires.

 Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. There will always be roadblocks. But I believe the conversations my son and I have had over the years that have been inspired by this content will help him immensely as he grows into adulthood. I cherish all the talks we’ve had, and I hope he has as well.

If any of this interests you, I believe there is a  lot of valuable content here. Particularly Impact Theory which I believe is some of the most worthwhile. I’d recommend checking out the very first video posted. It’s at the bottom, Nick Santonastasso, under “Older Posts - 2022”. Definitely one of our favorites. I hope you find as much benefit as I have. Thanks for visiting, and best wishes to you all!